It so easy to assign blame on our spouse for all of your relationship troubles and to wallow in self pity.
I played the victim role well. Taking pride in my perceived strength by retreating into an impenetrable dome of silence. I would not allow anything she might say or do get me worked up. I would put on my armor and mask to shield myself from pain. I would be the ‘better’ person by disengaging myself from any conflict.
How wrong I was.
As we drifted apart, I silently blamed her for not trying. I had built up such a high wall that even I was not sure what I was feeling at my lowest point.
- What was I truly feeling?
- What did I want for my life?
- Who had I become?
- Where was the person I liked?
- Where was the guy who was outgoing and personable?
- Where was the person people turned to for help and advice?
- What happened to my dreams?
It took a long time before I begun to question my own role in letting our relationship suffer. My part in deferring responsibility. My tendency to avoid conflict. That is was unfair to blame her for my sense of lost identity.
This was a major turning point in my journey of healing and growth. I had to become humble enough to see that I had a lot of growing up to do. To understand myself better and what I wanted for myself.
Start with yourself today. Look at what you want for you life beginning from the end:
- Where are you?
- Who do you see around you?
- What do you remember fondly from your time here?
- What do you want to feel?
- What do you need to do to have that life, those memories?