I cam across this very inspiring, eye opening and frank blog about one couple’s journey to healing and forgiveness following an emotional affair: http://www.emotionalaffair.org/our-journey-from-an-emotional-affair/
The blog provides a very honest and riveting first hand account from Linda’s discovery of Doug’s affair with a co-worker, to their road to forgiveness and reconciliation.
A good web resource for those of you struggling to deal with the discovery of an emotional affair, and for those who are in an emotional affair.
In their own words, here is how this all begun for them:
Linda and I have been married for close to 25 years now, and there was not one single event that lead up to me having an emotional affair with a co-worker. Rather, it was a culmination of many things. Generally speaking, I would have to say that it was a combination of both of us taking each other for granted, falling into an emotional, sexual and verbal rut, and just being too “busy” to attend to one another’s needs. Basically, the once strong feelings of desire and excitement were at the time very much dormant.
A couple of hours in her office turned into going out to lunch together, to eventually texting each other, and talking on the phone for lengthy periods of time. Many of the conversations were innocent enough as they were about business, or office issues, but many were about her husband, her family, and my wife or family. It was very clear now that I was becoming emotionally attached to her and she with me. In a lot of ways, I was feeling the same way I did when Linda and I first met. I felt good inside, and I felt good about myself, and I was just having a good time talking with another woman. I admit I felt guilty doing so, but the feeling was hard to walk away from.
That is pretty much how it all started. As you can see, it can be very easy for someone to fall into this type of situation. There was no desire on my part, nor was I actively in search of this type of affair–it just happened.
Linda adds: “Yes, the reason why this was such a bad idea is you were sharing personal thoughts about your marriage with someone else, where you should have discussed it with me. I know how difficult and uneasy this would have been. However by letting her into your world you created a bond that should only be with your wife. You also may have found it very easy to share these thoughts, as she was such a good listener, agreed with what you were saying and offered such good advice. Unlike how you perceived it if you would have shared them with me. I believe the reason she was so easy to share these details with was because honestly what you were saying did not affect her, there was no emotional baggage that came with your confession. In contrast if you would have shared these thoughts with me I would become upset, defensive, etc., because you were saying affected me personally, and would have hurt my feelings. As you mentioned she became very attached to you as well. Another reason it was such a bad idea.”