I started this blog in the midst of a tumultous year during which I heard my wife say the ‘I love you but I am not in love with you’ line and our separation. My heart stopped. I had nightmares and kept waking up hoping that it was all a dream. I needed clarity. I needed to find a way to cope with and understand the tremendous pain I was experiencing.

This blog became a great way for me keep track of various resources as I embarked on my journey.

It is giving me a productive outlet to articulate some of my thoughts and feelings.

I had started using Pocket to do this. However, I had a moment of realization that there others who were experiencing the same thing. I wanted to share what I am finding, what I am learning.

Going from blogs to marriage forums, the pattern and stories of relationships disintegrating or ‘going through a rough patch‘ were strikingly similar. The resources and advice not. Many times outright pointing in two different directions.

These range from the extremes of ‘Dump them and clean out your bank account before they do‘ to ‘Ride this out and stick with them no matter what‘. And there is a large spectrum inbetween with every scenario seemingly accounted for.

I have become one of the many countless supporting the growing ‘save your marriage/relationship’ industry. There are many fantastic resources out there, both free and paid. I have tried many of the popular ones and will be sharing my insights to hopefully help you find the right tool for you, and to save you time and money.

As a general example, the pitch for the many online programs follows a well defined formula:

‘Here is a short video/page which introduces “How To [insert objective]'”‘->

‘I am an expert in [insert objective] and you may have seen me on {show/media outlet about [insert objective]}’->

‘This is why my approach works to fixing [insert objective]‘->

‘This video/page/offer won’t be up for long’->

‘It usually costs $x  for this resource. However, along with  a y% savings, we will throw in $z amount of bonus material for free if you buy it now!’

This may make it sound like there are scams. Most are not. From my experience, many provide some fantastic resources and tools. They are following a well thought out marketing strategy and meeting a real need. For many, sharing lessons they learnt from their own journeys of self discovery and realization.

My lesson was that I was chasing a quick remedy out of fear. A band aid. My mistake was trying out ALL of them to find the fastest way to resolve my situation.

Every person, every couple, every situation is different.

That being said, there is still a surprisingly common pattern to all of this. There is a whole science and theories that are seeking to explain why this is.

I am not certified to give you any of this advice. My desperation turned into a passion to learn all I could to understand my situation and the best way forward.

And I have made and am making MANY mistakes along the way.

Along my desperate journey searching for a way to save my marriage, I began to realize that it all starts and ends with me. I could blame or I could accept responsibility. My search started to take me on bigger journey. One becoming more focused on learning more about myself. About the WHY for my life? And then the HOW?

My search and journey has grown from saving my marriage to growing to become a man. To be a grown up in my relationships. To be honest and vulnerable. To be myself. To be grateful. To be mindful. The importance of starting with the end I want in mind.

I am re-discovering just how powerfully our thoughts shape our reality.

How what I eat and need to eat is so radically different from the general recommended guidelines (Hence the term guidelines-This is one area where I have been met with a lot of hostility).

How this impacts my energy.

How a good level of energy is a cornerstone to the life I want, including my relationships.

Along the way, I am meeting and learning from some fantastic people. My journey is continuing. I have to come realize it never really ends. I moved from a desparation to find the solution to appreciating and even enjoying my travels.

And, despite all of the heartache, I am very grateful for this jounrey of healing and growth.

I saw various iterations of this advice repeated hundreds of times  from people and when being welcomed to a book, a blog post, a news article, a web forum, a relationship progam: It hurts like hell right now but give it time. It does get better.

You create the circumstance in your life. I needed a really good kick in the butt to get me going again.

I am keeping this blog to:

1. Remind myself of the progress I am making

2. Learn from my mistakes and more importantly, to learn more about myself

3. Record this fantastic time and opportunity of learning, healing and growth

4. Record the lessons I have learnt

5. Bookmark interesting stories and articles so that I don’t loose them

6. Share with you what I am finding and learning

7. Inspire you to take action to improve yourself

8. Remind myself that it is not as bad as I think it is in those moments. That it will get better.

9. Keep my mind busy and occupied

10. To keep on growing

I invite you to share your insights with me and the others following this blog.

And remember, it WILL get better.


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